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| i decided to write again. let all my emotions out. i'm very emotional, i cry alot. and i have random temper tantrums. anyway that's not the point. i've been thinking alot lately, and i've realized that i've been let down alot. like alotta times, people always let me down. and these are people i trust with my life. for example, once adnan told me that he would buy me a new laptop. i dont see one. i still havent. and my birthday went past and noone told me happy birthday or called me or baked me a cake or did a surprise party for me. is that too much to ask for?? i already have a list of things that i wanted, but no one ever bought em for me. i also dont have an HDTV. it's not that much to ask for i think. now it's poetry time: My Poem by Hamza Malek Inside I feel sad really sad no seriously I feel sad No one loves me I drink tea no seriously no one loves me scratch scratch scratch goes the cat outside pop pop pop goes my gun shootin the cat meeoow meeoww ekkhhhh blood squirts out the neck ha ha ha ha i laugh and i go write a poem this was originally a rap, but i guess raps can be poetry. i think im not gonna make anymore friends anymore, cuz u lose em in the end. like how i lost alotta my friends in libya. i loved those people. its sorta like that whole better to loved and lost b.s., but with friends. so its better not to make friends than to lose all ur friends, like i did. sigh. if i get enough responses ill write more. now for a song!! My happy song  : All alone Cant feel the same I looked you up Couldnt find your name When I do I dont know what to say I try to speak but i forgot your name | | |
| hey everyone. something jus happened that i had to write. ok. well i was at the library today, and i wanted to check out a book for my sociology class. but the problem is, i havent found my library card since i've been gone for two years rite? so i go up to this desi lady and im like "ya i jus moved back to canton and i need a new library card cuz i lost mine". and she's like "acha beta", and she is typing all this stuff in and she finishes and then she says "here you go beta." and i told her to hold up so i can get the book i wanna check out (its waitin on a table). so i go get the book and i give it to her. then she checks the book and checks my card and she looks at me and shakes her head "it looks like there's a problem, you owe money on ur card." i was astonished. wat could i have had overdue??? did my sisters forget to give back books (like they always do???) so i ask her how much. she stares at the screen and says "$204.73". i was gonna faint. freakin over due thing buildin up over the past two years. you see? this is how the library takes advantage of us. i've done so much for this library and now they're askin me for a couple hundred bux. i mean, the "teen tuesday" was basically me, my bro, wajeeh, and kalim. thats it. and then there was kevin.....ya.....but we were the core of that. and we did interviews and helped out "kevin" (if thats his real name....). so now i have an over due library credit thingy of about $200 bux. if anyone wants to help me out wit the cash, feel free to do so. | | |
| ya well i havent wrote in a while as if anyone cares. its not like anyone actually reads this stuff. but the thing was apparently muhi got married today and i wasnt invited (as expected) and in this depressed state i have decided to write a xanga bout my troubles and let it out. my psychiatrist told me to keep a diary to let everything out instead of keeping it inside like i have for the past 17 years. that took a damaging turn when i attempted to throw my tv through my window cuz larry king said somethin bout how sesame street may not be good for children. i dunno. it drove me crazy. now my dad dont trust me wit a tv. i cant watch it, but i do secretely. ya no one seems to trust me anymore. i was in zain's car and he went out to get himself a slurpy from 7-11 and since i had no money i stayed in the car (not like he would offer to buy me one). but the thing is, he took his keys with him. "no offense but i dont trust you" he said. i had nightmares that night, where no one trusted me and then a giant head of a fish started chasing me, and then my legs came together and i became a worm. and i was running and i saw this BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG hook. and i jumped on it and the hook pulled. i got out of the water and on the other side of the hook was salmaan in like fishing gear and he said in this weird slow voice: "Hey, your not a sword fish" and i said "i am a sword fish" cuz i didnt wanna go back into the water. and then i turned into a sword fish. then salmaan said "i dont truuuuuuuuuuuusssssssssst yooooooooooooouuuuuuuu". u kno in that really slow deep voice way. then he went "hahahahaha" and he threw me back. i looked to my right and my left and i saw nothing. then i started to swim and a car hit me and i woke up sweating. that was like the first nightmare i had in a while. i always dream. and i mean always. lately its been like libyan peeps i know there r over here and vice versa. and like usually im in america but sometimes im in libya. its kinda weird cuz all of the guys here become friends wit my friends over there and my friends over there dont like me anymore cuz they got new friends. and then i hate all of u guys cuz u stole my friends. and then i wake up and i think of how much im mad at u guys. then when i go downstairs i realize that couldnt be true. cuz like for one reason kash cant speak arabic. two is that the dudes here cant go to libya. three was zain isnt blue with weird horns (and i mean like horns like those monsters on sesame street that bonk their noses and make that "conk" sound). ya well watever. dreams rock, i love dreaming. | | |
| ya well i havent gotten to writing a xanga recently. not like anyone cares. i dont have a life so what is there to write about? well we had basketball today. for some reason no one picks me for their teams jus cuz im arab. i dunno. its like they hate. and they make fun of me too. they always make fun of how i play and they never pass. its like i always feel left out. i think they're mad that i want them to take me. its like im not wanted or somethin. then i just thought of somethin else today. im like tarzan. its like...im an arab raised by paki people. the pakistani people are MY people. its like the whole acha morta ganda bacha billy thingy. i've lived here in canton since i was in 3rd grade, and like i've known most da peeps here since that time too. like muhi for example. but he seemed much bigger. like he was huge when i was younger. i thought he was the same age as misbah and all that. but thats basically it. i've come to think that i may be loved here, but its fake love. everyone is like faking to like me cuz they see i have a future. and they wanna strip everything i have when i get older or somethin. for example, here is me in a video game:
once they saw that they went like all wild and were like tryin to be buds wit me. but i can see right through them. ya thats bout it. i dont think anyone loves me. i think its more infloroucence (watever zain said). not love. cuz love is for the sake of Allah only. | | |
| yet another day i am alive. i dont wanna sound like a goth or hate life thingy but like everytime i go to sleep, i dont expect to wake up. for some reason, after readin malcom X's auto biography (ONE OF THE GREATEST BOOKS EVER), i myself believe i wont die a peacefuly death, so if i died in my sleep it would be a blessing. i dont kno y. maybe im psyco. every time im in a car in the front seat i expect like a giant pole to slam through the windshield and pierce my body. or if im in da back i huge SUV would slam into me. or if im in da store some dude will go looney and shoot everyone and i would be killed. or if im da plane (and this one i expect all the time im in da air) the plane would SLAM rite into the water and some shark would eat me. sometimes this thinkin freaks me out cuz i actually believe im about to die. once when i was in libya me and my buds were fishing. and this is like ghetto fishin. like we just have a string and we put hooks and bread at the end. but whats the point of fishing besides jus spendin time wit ur pals and chillin? well i was assigned the job at the moment to take the bait and swim a long distance towards where the fish gather. now i was swimmin and i dont have my glasses and while i was swimming i see this huge rock under me rite? and its like in the shape of a fish. now i was swimming holding some bait in my hand and i thought i saw a huge fish. i thought it was a shark. ya. i kno. laugh. laugh at my stupidity. i never heard the end of it in libya. lol. everytime we go swimming they would be like "be careful the sharks!" or they like distort what i said and said i thought i saw a dalmation shark and they make fun of me about that. ANYWAY. i thought this thing would start eating at my hand. and i was ready. but it didnt and it was jus a rock. so jus kept on swimming. ya death is such a reality and it saddens me when i see some peeps do things cuz they think they invincible. and when u think about it, i am capable of killing people. all of us are capable of killing people. but we dont do it because we have control (basically we dont want to). if i was in da car with ahmad nadeem which i am always with (I OWE U MAN), i could grab the steering wheel when we're next to a truck and we would all slam into it and probably die. but i dont. we are all capable of dying all the time. thas my two bits. | | |
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